The Bridge: How to Get Your Kid to Care About the Thing They Don't Love Yet

On the way to school the other morning, my son asked me how long math has been around.

I told him, for as long as the world has existed.

“Math is all around us. In the leaves and the trees. In the ocean and the way the waves come in.”

“In gravity, pulling everything back down.”

He was shocked.

So I asked him what his favorite subject in school was.

“Math.”

What about reading and writing?

“It’s ok... but I like math.”

What’s Inside

THE INSIGHT

Last week was the replay question, and how a kid believes what they hear themselves say.

This week is about the thing they aren’t saying yet.

When my son said reading was “ok,” I could feel the lecture coming. You know the one. “Reading is really important. You’ll need it for everything. Math is great, but...”

Every word of that is true. And he’d have heard it as one more thing grown-ups say about school.

It also puts reading and math on opposite teams. Math is the one he loves. Reading is the one Dad keeps pushing. Pick a side.

So I didn’t pick one. First, I agreed with him.

“That’s great. I always liked math, too.”

That’s pacing. Meet them where they are before you take them anywhere else.

Then I told him a story. More story than lecture.

I told him that all through history, whenever someone had a problem and solved it, they put it in a book.

Then we talked about the books upstairs in our house. Books about health. Books about different ways to think about things. Shelves full of problems somebody already solved.

And every one of them is waiting for him. Many of them have the answers to problems he’s going to face in his life.

Many of them also have some really cool stories...

He kept saying, “Really?” with eyes opened wide.

Here’s why it worked. A kid who loves math loves solving problems. I didn’t ask him to love something new. I showed him that books are where problem solvers have been leaving their answers for thousands of years.

Reading stopped competing with math. It joined the same team.

That’s the bridge. Find what they already care about, and connect the new thing to it. The thing they already love does the heavy lifting.

It’s the same idea behind how values stick. A value lands when it’s tied to something that already lives inside them.

And the math side of this holds up, too.

Alice Sullivan and Matt Brown at University College London followed thousands of British kids born in 1970. Kids who read for pleasure at 10 made more progress between 10 and 16, in vocabulary and in math. The link was strongest for vocabulary. It still showed up in math.

Sullivan’s own words: “It may seem surprising that reading for pleasure would help to improve children’s maths scores.”

He still likes math best.

That’s fine. Now the books are on his side.

WHAT TO DO THIS WEEK

This works for anything your kid is lukewarm on. A subject. A chore. Practicing an instrument. Being patient with a little brother or sister.

Name the thing they already love. Not the thing you wish they loved. The one they’d pick without being asked. Math. Soccer. Minecraft. Drawing.

Ask what it’s about underneath. Why do they love it? Math might be about solving problems. Soccer might be about the team, or about winning. Drawing might be about making something that wasn’t there before. Hold your guess loosely. It’s a good read, not a fact. If you’re not sure, ask them.

Find the honest link. What does the thing you want them to care about have to do with the thing they already care about? A kid who loves winning might care about practice once practice is where games get won. A kid who loves building might care about cleaning up once a clear floor is where the next build starts. If the link isn’t real, they’ll smell it.

Tell it as a story. “Whenever someone solved a problem, they put it in a book” lands differently than “Reading is important.”

Then stop. Skip the “So that’s why you should read more.” Let them make the connection. Same as last week, it sticks better when it’s theirs.

What changes with age is how you tell it.

With little kids, keep it close to home. The shelf upstairs. The book on the nightstand.

From about eight, they’ll hear a pitch coming. Make it about someone else, not about them. A grandparent who taught themselves something from a book. An athlete who studies game film.

With teenagers, say less and let them find the link. “Half the stuff you’re into started with somebody writing it down.” Then leave it there.

Pro tip: Give the story somewhere to land. After you tell it, put one real thing in their hands. Walk them to the shelf. Pull one book that fits a problem they have right now. The story gets them curious. A book in their hands gives that curiosity somewhere to go.

PICKS

🎧 Listen: How reading aloud can help you bond with your kids - NPR Life Kit with early childhood literacy expert Dr. Keisha Siriboe. Why reading together works best when it feels like joy instead of homework, and how to keep it going as kids get busier.

📚 Read: Why Don’t Students Like School? by Daniel Willingham - A University of Virginia cognitive scientist on how kids actually learn. His big idea is the bridge from this week: kids make sense of new things through what they already know. Written for teachers. Every parent who’s heard “it’s ok” about a subject should read it.

❤️ Quote: “Philosophy is written in this grand book, the universe... It is written in the language of mathematics.” - Galileo Galilei, The Assayer (1623)

CHALLENGE

This week, pick one thing your kid shrugs at.

Find the thing they love. Build one bridge between them, and tell it like a story.

Then stop talking.

Reply and tell me what bridge you built.

PAST NEWSLETTERS

Last week: The Replay Question: Let Them Say It Before You Do

September 11: The Open Loop: Why Your Kid Won’t Leave a Story Unfinished

September 4: The Gap: What Your Kid Decides Before You Come Back