My son is back at school this week, back to himself. One week out from the renovation-and-sickness stretch I wrote about last week.
But we didn't pick Ember back up right away.
Ember is my son's dragon. The recurring character in the bedtime stories I make up using the 4-Step Method.
One night this week I read him a chapter from book #16 of the Magic Tree House series. Jack and Annie, off on another time-travel adventure. My son loves the series. After I closed the book, he lay there a minute and said he wished he had a magic tree house, too. He'd use it to travel through time and visit all those cool places.
I agreed… that would be cool.
The next night I planned on one Ember story. He asked for another. Then another. Then another. We ended up doing four, changing characters as we went, each one shorter and looser than the last.
Two nights, two very different kinds of bedtime.
Both worked. Neither one was better. They just weren't doing the same thing.
What’s Inside
THE INSIGHT: Reading and making up your own story both work at bedtime, but they install different things
PARENT SKILL: The two-mode check-in, how to pick the mode tonight actually calls for
THE REGULATED CHILD SUMMIT: Still running through May 13, it's not too late to join
PICKS: Resources on reading, storytelling, and imagination
CHALLENGE: Pick the mode on purpose tonight
THE INSIGHT
Two bedtime stories, two different gifts.
Jack, Annie, and Ember are built on the same principle. A recurring character the child returns to. Familiarity lowers resistance. The drop into theta happens faster. The identity layered on the character compounds with every story. We covered that in Your Child's Character.
Same principle. But Jack and Annie are the same Jack and Annie for every kid reading book #16. Their obstacles are fixed. Their transformations are fixed. Whatever Mary Pope Osborne wanted kids to take from the story, she built that in years ago for a general audience of six to nine-year-olds. The series has reached millions of kids because that general shape lands broadly. What it can't do is tune to the specific thing your child is navigating this week.
A custom story is different. The character in your story can be whoever they need this week.
My stories this week were two Ember stories about leadership and courage and two stories with Rex the bear about confidence. Next time they might be something else entirely. A friendship thing. A harder day at school. A moment that needs a value planted while it's still warm. And they might be with a recurring character, or a new one tailored just for my son.
Reading a book someone else wrote can't do that. Telling your own story can.
Which doesn't make reading the lesser of the two. Reading a book does things telling your own story can't.
Vocabulary your child might not hear at the dinner table. Sentences shaped by a writer who's been doing this for thirty years. Places and times you most likely couldn't describe from memory.
When you're reading a book to your child they can follow along with the words on the page. My son and I take turns reading different sentences. That's the kind of thing only a book can give you.
And sometimes, the quiet moment after you close the book when your child says he wishes he had a tree house just like Jack and Annie's.
So they do different things. Reading goes wide. Telling a made-up story goes deep.
Reading every night is great. Telling your own stories is great. Doing both is even better.
And deciding which to do on a given night is part of the skill.
PARENT SKILL
The two-mode check-in
What it is: A quick read of yourself and your child before bedtime, so you pick the mode on purpose instead of defaulting.
Why it works: Both modes do real work. Each one fits some nights better than others. When you choose based on what the night actually calls for, both you and your child get more out of the time.
Here's how:
Step 1 - Before you walk in, take ten seconds. Ask yourself what your child is carrying tonight. Did something specific happen today? Is there a value that matters right now because of a moment from the afternoon? If yes, it's a made-up story night.
Step 2 - Notice your child's state. Settled and open? Either mode will work. Tired, scattered, half-asleep? Read. The book does more of the work, and you don't have to improvise.
Step 3 - Notice your own state. If you're stretched thin and a made-up story would come out half-hearted, pick the book.
Step 4 - If you're not sure, stacking is an option. Read a chapter in a book first, then tell a short made-up story after. The chapter pulls your child into story-mode. The made-up story adds the tuning.
Pro tip: You can switch mid-bedtime. Start with a book, and if he's asking for more after you close it, make one up. Nothing locks you into the mode you picked at the door.
THE REGULATED CHILD SUMMIT
Quick update. The Regulated Child Summit™ is live and running through May 13.
It's free, 30 experts across four themed weeks, one email digest per week, and I'm one of the contributors. Week 2 is in inboxes this week, and you can still join mid-stream.
PICKS
🎧 Listen: An Ode to Reading Aloud (Journey with Story) by Kathleen Pelley - A short, parent‑facing episode on why reading aloud still changes kids’ brains and your relationship, even after they can read on their own.
📚 Read: Magic Tree House series by Mary Pope Osborne - Recurring characters, short chapters, and a time-traveling tree house that pulls a brother and sister through history, mythology, and science.
❤️ Quote: “Imagination is the workshop of the mind.” - Napoleon Hill
CHALLENGE
Tonight, before you walk into your child's room, pick the mode on purpose. Will you read, or make one up? Base it on what your child is carrying and what state the two of you are in.
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Until next week,
- Steve