The Rhyming Name: How My Wife Was Doing Hypnosis Without Calling It That

I'm writing this from our family vacation. We made it out the door last Saturday, the quarantine worked, nobody else got sick, and right now I can hear my son laughing about something in the next room.

Last week I wrote to you from upstairs, locked away from my family, listening to my wife handle bedtime all week without me. I said the Story Strong Method is a base, not a cage, and that hearing her tell stories was part of what got me started doing this in the first place.

After proof-reading the newsletter, like she always does, she wanted to share a little more.

She told me about the stories she used to make up back when our son was younger and going through a rough patch with nightmares and other things. As she described them, I realized she'd been running (unknowingly) four hypnotic techniques on him, stacked, every single night. 

She just didn't call them that.

What’s Inside

THE INSIGHT

Here is roughly what her stories sounded like.

"Once upon a time, there was a boy named [a name that rhymes with our son's, but isn't his]. And one morning he woke up, and it was going to be the most amazing day. He got out of bed and brushed his teeth, and then he combed his hair, and then he picked out his clothes, and then he went downstairs and ate his breakfast and packed his backpack and took care of his dog. And when he got outside, there was a surprise waiting for him..."

That's the shape. Routine, routine, routine, then wonder. Same scaffolding every night, different adventure on top.

There are four pieces to it.

The rhyming name. She didn't use his real name. She used a name that rhymed with it. He recognized himself in the boy without ever feeling like the story was about him. In Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) this is called an isomorphic metaphor: a story whose structure mirrors the listener's life closely enough that their unconscious recognizes itself, while the conscious mind stays relaxed because it's "just a story about some other boy.” Milton Erickson, the psychiatrist who pioneered modern clinical hypnosis in the mid-1900s, built half his career on stories shaped this way.

The perfect day frame. Every story was about a great day. A surprise birthday party. A trip with mom and dad. An adventure. She was painting a vivid picture of a day he wanted to live in, right before sleep, when the brain doesn't draw a hard line between vividly imagined and remembered. She was rehearsing a feeling for him to drift off on.

The embedded behaviors. Inside the wonder, she tucked the boring stuff. Brushing teeth. Combing hair. Eating breakfast. Packing the backpack. Taking care of the dog. Each one nested between two pieces of delight. He wasn't being told to brush his teeth. He was hearing about a boy whose perfect day started with brushing his teeth.

The handoff. This is the part that tells you it worked. After a while, she would be telling the story and our son would start filling in the routine pieces himself. "Then he brushed his teeth and combed his hair and washed his hands and wiped down the counter..." rattling them off, almost impatient, so they could get to the fun part.

The stuff she wanted installed was installed now. He took ownership of the sequence. He was rehearsing the behaviors out loud, in a relaxed pre-sleep state, when suggestibility is at its highest. He wanted to get to the wonder, and he was learning that the basics were the doorway.

She was hypnotizing our son into a self-care routine he looked forward to, and she didn’t do it from that lense. 

Of course, this just reinforces that almost all communication is hypnosis to some degree and it’s not some scary thing. 

A lot of what I write lives in the Imprint window, ages 0 to 7, because that's where stories slip in easiest. But the principle behind the rhyming name (a story whose structure mirrors your child's life closely enough that their unconscious recognizes itself) keeps working in the Modeling window (8-13) and the Socialization window (14-21). You just have to drop the rhyme and let the plot do the work.

For older kids, the name doesn't have to rhyme. It barely matters at all. What matters is that the kid in the story is roughly their age, and dealing with a problem that mirrors something real in their life. That parallel is what bypasses the conscious guard. The unconscious picks it up on its own.

For 8 to 13 year olds, drop the bedtime frame. Tell it in the car. “Hey, did I tell you about [a friend's kid, a coworker's nephew, someone they don't know]? His mom was telling me about him the other day…” Build the story around something your kid is working through. A friendship hiccup. A new sport. A test. At this age, direct advice starts bouncing off, so an indirect story does the work direct words can't.

For 14 to 21 year olds, you stop telling stories outright and start passing them along like you heard them somewhere. “You ever hear about that kid who…” or “Someone at work was telling me a story today, you'll appreciate this.” You're letting them try on a behavior in third person without feeling preached at. That's how the technique survives into the years when nothing else seems to.

PARENT SKILL

What it is: A story formula that wraps the behaviors or qualities you want your child to own inside a vivid, positive scene they want to live in.

Why it works: The rhyming name lowers their guard. The perfect day puts them in a receptive state right before sleep. And once they start filling in the routine parts themselves, the sequence belongs to them.

Here's how:

Pro tip: When your child starts filling in the routine parts for you, do not stop them. That's when it becomes their story instead of yours. Let them rattle them off. Smile. Keep going.

THE REGULATED CHILD SUMMIT

This is the last week to sign up for The Regulated Child Summit™, hosted by Dr. Roseann Capanna-Hodge. I'm honored to be part of it, and I think every parent on this list should join.

It's free. 30 experts. 4 weekly email digests. April 13 through May 13.

I'm one of the contributors in Week 1, on emotional and sensory regulation.

If your child struggles with meltdowns, big emotions, transitions, or sleep, this covers all of it. Each week focuses on one theme and gives you 6 to 8 expert tips you can read in a few minutes and use the same day. No overwhelm, just one digest per week.

Sign up here before it closes.

PICKS

CHALLENGE

This week, tell one rhyming name story. Pick the name. Walk through the scene. Drop one piece of wonder in at the end. See what your child does on night three.

PAST NEWSLETTERS

Last week: When You Can't Be There: What The Method Actually Builds

Mar 27: Your Child's Character: Why the Same Story Gets More Powerful Every Night

Mar 20: The 4-Step Method: How to Turn Bedtime Into the Most Powerful Part of Your Day