The Story Pivot: How to Shift Your Child from "It's Happening to Me" to "I Choose What Happens Next"

The other day I was playing chess with my son.

I've been teaching him to play, and it's one of those games that's great for character building. It teaches strategy and humility at the same time, since you lose… often.

This particular game was going great… until I took his queen.

If you've never played chess, the queen is the most powerful piece. Losing her definitely hurts.

And… If you've ever played chess with a kid, you know what happened next.

His face fell. His shoulders tightened. The game suddenly "wasn't fair," "wasn't fun," and apparently I had "ruined everything."

It was an emotional freight train.

In moments like this, most parents reach for logic, reassurance, or correction. But none of those land when a child's emotional brain is taking the wheel.

So I tried something else. I used a Story Pivot.

I said, "Wow… the queen didn't see that coming. She walked right into a trap. What do you think her army is going to do now? Panic? Show determination? Execute a secret plan?"

His eyes shifted. He looked at the board. Really looked. And then he jumped in: "They're gonna fight back!"

Just like that, the moment softened.

That's what I want to show you this week: how to reframe emotional moments through story so your child moves from "It's happening to me" to "I get to choose what happens next."

What’s Inside

THE INSIGHT

Here's what usually happens when a kid gets emotionally hijacked:

Most parents do one of three things automatically:

But none of those land when a child's emotional brain is taking the wheel.

Logic bounces off. Reassurance misses. Correction escalates.

So back to the chess game.

When my son's face fell and the game became "unfair," I didn't try to explain. I didn't try to fix his feelings.

I reframed the moment through story.

"Wow… the queen didn't see that coming. She walked right into a trap. What do you think her army is going to do now? Panic? Show determination? Execute a secret plan?"

His eyes shifted. He looked at the board… really looked.

And then he jumped in: "They're gonna fight back!"

Just like that, the tension dissolved.

He wasn't the kid who "lost his queen." He became the storyteller who gets to decide what happens next.

That's the power of a Story Pivot: it shifts your child from “This is happening to me” to “I get to decide what happens next.”

You're not dismissing the emotion, you're giving it a container.

And story activates imagination, which calms the nervous system faster than logic does.

PARENT SKILL

The pattern is simple once you see it:

Step 1 — Name the moment as if it's part of a story "Looks like a plot twist." "Whoa, that wasn't part of the plan."

Step 2 — Shift from WHAT happened to WHAT COULD HAPPEN next "What's the hero's move now?" "I wonder what happens in the next chapter."

Step 3 — Let your child pick up the thread Kids naturally step into a creative frame when you open it. You don't have to guide them. Just wait.

Pro tip: This works during games, transitions, spills, sibling conflicts, any moment that's starting to tip toward frustration.

You're not fixing the problem. You're reframing it so your child can move forward without getting stuck in "I messed up" mode.

PICKS

CHALLENGE

Sometime this week, when a moment starts to tip toward frustration, a game, a spill, a sibling conflict… try a Story Pivot.

Just one sentence: "This feels like [the middle of the story]. What's the next move?"

See what shifts.