The Gratitude Reset: Your Kids Are Watching Your Recovery, Not Your Reaction

Two days into our Thanksgiving road trip, an older gentleman in a beat-up sedan cut us off on the highway. I waved him through. 

And… instead of going, he just… stopped… dead in the middle of the highway. 

Both my wife and I yelled, not at our 6-year-old in the backseat, but at the chaos unfolding in front of us. 

Our son's quiet voice cut through: "Why are you both yelling?"

What’s Inside

THE INSIGHT

Every year, my family takes a two day road trip to visit family in South Carolina for about a week for Thanksgiving. 

Two days on the road. My wife, our 6-year-old son, and our dog, who is glued to our laps the entire time while we were heading down 95 South.

Traffic was fairly light so we were actually doing pretty well on time.

Until… we finally hit it. About a 20 minute backup.

After spending about 5 minutes in the right lane, I had just changed lanes into the center lane and thought we were fine, and then…

An older car, with an older driver, cuts across our lane and almost into the side of our vehicle. No signal, no evidence that he even saw us.

I slammed on the brakes and on my horn to make sure he stopped and didn’t continue to ram into us. I then motioned for him to just go - the universal hand wave for "you're good, keep moving."

He stops. Completely. Dead stop in moving traffic. In the middle of the highway.

I start yelling, then my wife starts yelling…. Loud. Visible anger. Not at our son, but at the absurdity of nearly causing a pileup because someone froze.

Then, my son, from the backseat: "Why are you both yelling?"

That question sat with me for miles.

Kids don't need perfect emotional control from us.

They need to see what we do after the spike. How we recover. How we come back to center.

I wasn't wrong to react. Neither of us were. Real danger deserves real emotion. But our son was tracking something deeper - not whether we got angry, but whether we stayed there.

So, as the car settled back into silence. Highway noise, traffic eventually started to pick back up again. The tension was still slightly hanging in the air.

I could feel it - that post-spike heaviness. So I did what I've learned to do when things feel off-center.

I asked my son, "What are your 3 things you're thankful for right now?"

I wanted him, and honestly, us, to find solid ground again. To shift from what almost went wrong to what's still working.

We talked about finally moving again. About the dog curled up on mom's lap. About making it safely to where we needed to be.

This is the difference between reaction and regulation. Your nervous system doesn't care about perfect parenting. It cares about patterns. Predictable moments that signal safety. Small practices that say "we always find our way back."

Gratitude is one of those practices.

When you ask your child what they're grateful for after a hard moment, you're not pretending the hard thing didn't happen. You're teaching them that stress doesn't get the final word. That we can acknowledge the difficulty AND actively look for what's solid. For what's good. What's still working.

It's the reset button you can use anytime. In the car. After a meltdown. Before bed. Whenever the emotional temperature runs hot.

And the fact that it's a daily morning ritual? That's what makes it work in the hard moments. Because they've practiced finding gratitude when things are calm, they know how to access it when things aren't.

PARENT SKILL

What it is: A daily question that helps kids (and parents) scan for safety instead of stress.

Why it works: Gratitude isn't just feel-good fluff. It's a nervous system regulator. When you ask your child to name what they're thankful for, you're teaching their brain to look for solid ground, even on messy days. Repetition builds the neural pathway. The ritual creates safety.

Try this:

Pro tip: This works especially well after emotional spikes, yours or theirs. It becomes the reset button when things feel chaotic.

PICKS

CHALLENGE

Ask the Gratitude Reset question once a day through the holiday week and notice what shifts, not just in your kids, but in you.