Every night at dinner we ask our son the same question.
“What was the best part of your day?”
Sometimes we get a real answer. Sometimes we get a 6-year-old boy shrug and "I don't know," which means we get to ask it a different way. Either way it's worth asking.
The other night he turned it back on me. He asked “What was your favorite part of the day, dad?”
I had to think about it. And what came out surprised me a little.
The mornings. Specifically, driving him to school.
Some mornings we just listen to music. Some mornings he talks and I mostly listen. Almost every morning we do a few mantras together before he gets out of the car. It's about a 25 minute ride. And somewhere along the way it became one of my favorite parts of the day.
It wasn't always like that. I used to tell myself it was out of the way. That it cut into the morning. That it would be easier if he took the bus.
That was a story I was telling myself. And it was quietly costing me something I didn't know I had.
He won't always want me to take him. At some point he'll drive himself, will take the bus, or will grow up and leave the house. I know that.
So for now, I'm not missing a morning. That's the story I choose.
What’s Inside
THE INSIGHT: State is last week. This week, meet what locks it in place.
PARENT SKILL: How to catch the story before it makes the decision for you.
PICKS: Resources on the narratives running beneath your behavior.
CHALLENGE: Catch one story this week. Just one.
THE INSIGHT
The Story You're Already Telling
Last week we talked about state. The combination of your internal representation and your physiology. And the principle that all behavior is state-related.
Tony Robbins takes it one step further. State is the first domino. But there's a second one standing right behind it.
Story.
Not the one you're telling your child at bedtime.
The one you're telling yourself.
All day...
Quietly...
About who you are as a parent, what's possible, and whether any of this is actually working.
What the Story Sounds Like
It's rarely dramatic. It doesn't announce itself. It just runs quietly in the background while you're making dinner, putting laundry away, or collapsing on the couch after a long day.
"I'm too tired for this tonight."
"My kid doesn't respond to this stuff."
"I'm not creative enough to tell good stories."
"My kids are too high energy."
"I'll do it tomorrow."
None of those are facts. They are interpretations. They are… Stories.
The first time you tell yourself you're too tired, it's just a thought.
The tenth time, it starts to feel like a fact.
The hundredth time, it becomes a belief.
And beliefs don't feel like stories anymore.
They feel like the truth.
And you can't instill confidence in your children from a state of quiet self-doubt.
That story is what determines whether you ever get there.
The good news is that a story is just… a story.
It's not fixed.
It's not permanent.
And… you can rewrite it.
PARENT SKILL
The Catch
What it is: A simple three-step pattern for noticing when a story is running so you can choose what happens next.
Why it works: You can't change what you can't see. Most of these stories run below conscious awareness. Naming them out loud is the first interruption. It creates a gap between the thought and the action. That gap is where the choice lives.
Here's how:
Step 1 - Notice the resistance. Any time you feel yourself pulling away from an intentional parenting moment, pause. Don't push through yet. Just notice it.
Step 2 - Name the story out loud. Say it plainly. "I'm telling myself this won't work." "I'm telling myself I'm too tired." The moment you name it, you step outside it.
Step 3 - Ask one question: Is this a fact or a story? If you can't point to hard evidence, it's a story. Let that land before you decide what to do next.
Pro tip: You're not trying to replace the story with something positive... yet. You're just creating a gap. That's enough.
PICKS
🎧 Listen: 3 Steps to a Breakthrough by Tony Robbins - Where he breaks down the full State, Story, Strategy framework. This is the episode we've been building toward for three weeks.
📚 Read: Unlimited Power by Tony Robbins - The chapters on beliefs and internal dialogue go directly to what we covered this week. If you've already read it, it hits differently now.
❤️ Quote: “Life is the story you tell yourself. But how you tell that story matters a great deal.” – Bruce Feiler, Life Is in the Transitions: Mastering Change at Any Age
Want to learn how to tell impactful stories?
Learn the Story Strong Parenting 4-step formula for stories that stick.
CHALLENGE
This week, catch one story before it makes a decision for you. You don't have to fix it or replace it. Just name it. Notice whether it's a fact or a story. Then decide.
PAST NEWSLETTERS
Until next week,
- Steve